I have been obsessed with a male teacher of mine for months. I am a 16-year-old girl, and he is in his late 30s, married, with young children.

We have a nice rapport and are friends in a very appropriate sense. I've been to his place to meet his family a couple of times. He is proper and respectful to me, as a teacher should be. However, I have a huge crush on him. I think about him constantly, and every time we exchange a few words, my heart races.

I hope this obsession will die down, but in the meantime I want to know what to do. I know we can't be more than friends, even though I'd love to kiss him. Should I discuss my feelings with him? I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable.

Darcy


Darcy, a crush is not a "we thing," it is a "me thing." It is something you experience and let pass. Left alone, time takes care of it, and your letter shows you know that.

If you believe that is true, then why do you want to talk to your teacher about it? Because you still have a fantasy about making something occur. Some part of you wants to test your powers on him, even though he is not actively seeking a relationship.

In legal ethics, there is a principle known as "the appearance of evil." What it means is that lawyers, and especially judges, should not only avoid doing things which are wrong, they should avoid even what could erroneously be perceived as being wrong. That is the position your teacher is in.

For the sake of a romantic play in your head, you could jeopardize this man's marriage and family life, his career and place in the community. At the very least, you will strain your relationship and make him wary of being in the same room with you. Talking about this can only spoil your relationship.

Wayne